These two are the reason I get up and walk out the door every morning. Scary faces, toe-biting. and all. When I was younger, all I could think about was being a stay-at-home-mom. Yes, I went to college. Yes, I had plans for my career. Still, my plan all along was to put the career on hold and rock the babies all day long. I never even considered that God had a different plan in mind for me.
The circumstances don’t really matter, but my husband decided to pursue his own business and that meant I was the reliable job for awhile. I honestly didn’t mind. He was following his dream, spending the days outside, working hard with his best friends, and making his way in the world. It was a joy to see him so happy. We didn’t have children yet and I worked for a wonderful company at a job that I loved. Life was good. Fast forward almost six years and we are in such a different place. This economy isn’t kind to small-business owners and we decided the lack of stability was suffocating us. For almost a year, Josh has been working from home for a company that he LOVES and I’m still employed! I’m at a different firm than I was then and it’s hard to imagine our lives any other way.
Could we afford for me to stay at home with the girls? Maybe. We could sacrifice the extras, put a little less into our savings account each month, and spend an awful lot of time at home together (remember, Josh works in our bedroom!). Here’s the problem: I think I’m a better mommy because I work. I am fortunate enough to have the very best child care scenario. Sophie is cared for by my aunt, along with several other children who she loves. She is in someone’s home, it is much more affordable than traditional daycare, and she is LOVED. She is snuggled and cuddled and gets to eat greasy Jack’s biscuits for breakfast sometimes. She talks about my aunt and uncle constantly and cannot get enough of her sweet little friends. I almost think by keeping her home with me I would be robbing her of such rich little friendships. I know she’s only 22 months old, but I can see the rewards already and I know from experience with Ella what a difference this made in her. Ella attends a full-day preschool program at our local elementary school and is growing and stretching in ways I can’t even believe. They are both turning out just fine — more than fine, really — and I haven’t missed a thing.
I remember worrying when I took Ella to school that very first day after my maternity leave. I couldn’t believe I was going to miss her rolling over and her first words and her first steps. You know what? I didn’t. I saw it all for the first time, the first time I saw it. Even if it had happened before, nothing is as wonderful as the first time YOU witness it for yourself. I don’t once remember thinking I had missed something.
Logistically, my job is hard. As much as I love and as rewarding as it is, it can be stressful sometimes. There are times when I work through the weekends and other times I’m out of town for a week or even more. While I’m only 30 miles or so from home, it’s an almost hour commute on the worst stretch of highway in Alabama. People dread this drive and I get questions all the time about how I manage it. Josh even says if our roles were reversed we would move closer into town. What I am about to say might sound selfish and strange, but secretly — I enjoy that hour’s commute. I spend almost two hours a day in the car by myself. I control the radio station, the temperature, and the direction. I’m not wiping noses or fannies or answering questions. Don’t get me wrong — I love all of those things, but a girl needs some time to herself sometimes. These two hours a day keep me sane. I can pray and sing and talk to my best friend on the phone uninterrupted. Sometimes, I call home and talk to the girls. If I think about those hours and how they add up across a week, I can start to panic, to worry about what I’m missing. On my morning commute, they are still snuggled in their beds fast asleep. Just as I’m pulling into my office they are getting ready, eating breakfast, and singing silly songs in the car with their daddy. I know that these are important moments they get to spend together. In the afternoons while I’m making the trek back home, they are gardening outside with my mom, reading together, making cookies, and playing dominoes. What is better than an afternoon at your grandmother’s house?
My girls aren’t missing out on anything. They know how much I love them and that because I work we have more food in the pantry, swirly-twirly party dresses, and fancy birthday parties. We can take summer vacations and save for a trip to Disney, and sometimes give in to impulse. The time we are apart during the day makes our time together so much sweeter. We are homebodies and spend a lot of time together. Are there things we can improve on? Absolutely. It’s a work in progress. But, when I really think about what I want out of life and the direction I believe God is calling us as a family, I know that being a working mom is working just fine for us.
I’m linking up with Kelly today, so if you are a working mom, be sure and stop by to make some new friends!
