There are lots of things I could have written about today - there are many things I am passionate about. I've been doing a lot of thinking the last several weeks about how much I miss running and how I keep trying in fits and starts, but it never seems to stick like it did before. It's hard and it's hot outside and I'm not as strong as I was a year ago. It's discouraging and I want to be that girl who crosses the finish line again. I was digging back through my archives for some photos earlier in the week and I stumbled across a post from early 2012. It was bittersweet. I want to be that girl again - the one who is so passionate about her body and her health.
"One year ago today, I wasn't a runner. I was a lazy girl struggling to lose the weight from my second pregnancy and trying to convince myself I was happy. I had been "exercising" for one year and was trying Weight Watchers. Although I had lost over 10 pounds, I still had a long way to go and I wasn't getting there fast. One year ago today, my best friend invited me to run a 5k with her and my life was forever changed. On February 2, I completed the first day of Couch to 5k and wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I couldn't believe how winded I was after running for 90 seconds at a time. I bought new shoes and work-out clothes immediately, knowing I would feel committed after making a monetary investment. I was so afraid to say "I'm a runner" out loud because I was so used to failing or giving up. It is beyond my comprehension that a year later I'm still doing it and loving it more than I could have ever imagined. Running is hard work and sometimes I have to make myself get up off the couch. But once my feet slap the pavement that first time, I am locked in. I've heard people say they pray while they run, or they think about their to-do list, or that they listen to books or that they wonder when it will be over. When I run, I'm not doing anything but running. I don't think about work, or family, or stress. I don't sing along to the songs or even think about what is going on around me. I'm thinking about my feet connecting with the ground. I'm thinking about the beat of the music as I run to it. I'm thinking about how fast I'm going and how many miles I'm covering and how I'll reward myself with a big gulp of water in another half-mile. I'm thinking about how much longer I can run, how much farther I can push myself. I'm thinking about the half marathon and how it's going to feel to cross the finish line. I'm thinking about the runner's high and the route and how far I'll go tomorrow. I'm thinking about how with every single step I'm making myself stronger. I'm thinking about how my girls will never know a time in their life when I wasn't healthy and active. With every step I am making myself a better person and I am proud of how far I've traveled."